


i really like you but i'm dumb and stupid with emotions so here's some dumb pickup lines

by odysseus



Category: Miss Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, Fluff, it was going to be a PURE PICK UP LINE fic but yeah it became this mess im sorry, uhhhh dont drink alcohol when ur gay panicking folks?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odysseus/pseuds/odysseus
Summary: Sherlock frets too much over her crush on Wato Tachibana. Cue alcohol with the only friends she has, a lot of regretful decisions, and a frustrated but bashful girlfriend... Wait.





	i really like you but i'm dumb and stupid with emotions so here's some dumb pickup lines

**Author's Note:**

> i probably made them really ooc but listen they're all drunk so i'm okay and being ooc is VALID

"Huh! I can't believe it. Could it be... Sherlock has caught a bug?! The bug of love?!"

"Oh, wow! Congratulations, Great Detective Lord Supreme Shibata, however would you have known?" Sherlock bites, leaning her head on her hands.

"Because I'm much better than you! Anyway, when's the marriage?"

When Sherlock glares at him with as much hatred as she could muster at the snickering man, he immediately clams up and goes back to drinking the beer in his hands, whistling the train station tune in the most off-key way he's ever whistled it.

Sherlock scowls.

"What would you know about love? You've never seen anyone for at least ten years now," she points out, clearly upset that Shibata had such an outburst. Her friends were embarrassing- if she could even call them that.

"Oh, what makes you think I've haven't had anyone flocking to me?" Shibata retorts, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, just because you have a cute stomach-wrenching crush on your flatmate doesn't mean you'll get off scot-free with insulting me on this-"

"Calm down now, Shibata," Reimon sighs, a small amused smile on his face, "You don't have to lie to get back at Sherlock. When you don't have love in your life, you can love your work instead, right?"

Sherlock sticks her tongue out at Shibata (who's now the one scowling), sipping her own cup of Oolong tea. She was absolutely disappointed that there wasn't Asamiya tea in this store, but beggars can't be choosers- you will never go to expensive restaurants when you hang out with the likes of Tatsuya Shibata. Reimon was fine, though.

"So," Reimon pipes up, raising his glass at Sherlock. His face is calm and gentle.

"What will you do with your suspect... of love?"

And when he begins to grin cheekily, Sherlock exhales.

"I think you're enjoying this too much." Sherlock points out, narrowing her eyes. Reimon shrugs.

"I'm not." Reimon replies simply, sipping his own glass of beer. "You're just funny when flustered."

Shibata breathes a loud "HAH!" in Sherlock's face, while Sherlock scrunches up her nose and covers her ears.

"Watch it, Shibata. Aren't you drunk already?"

"DON'T SAY THAT I'M DRUNK..!"

Sherlock rolls her eyes at yet another of Shibata's drunken outburst. He was clearly drunk, and that meant Sherlock wanted nothing to do with him.

"...Anyway-" Sherlock turns to face Reimon, "I wouldn't do anything to this 'suspect of love'... whatever that weird metaphor was. After all-"

"Oh sure, she's not going to do anything," Shibata slurs his words. He clears his throat and ignores Sherlock's rant on love and how it's evil and gives you feelings. "She's going to go all-"

"-because emotions cloud your logic, not only that, it also makes it terribly-"

"-Because emotions cloud your logic, that sort of incorrect stuff."

Reimon can't help but laugh at how the two were in sync. Such children they were, even though Shibata was years older than him and Sherlock was the world's most notorious consulting detective.

"Well, it's the truth," Sherlock hums, setting her teacup down on the table. "I wouldn't want to get into a relationship, much less with Wato."

"Ohhh, really? I guess the times you look at Wato with such a sad look in your eyes were all-"

"If you say one more word-"

"-not love?"

"If we weren't technically colleagues, I would castrate you in your sleep."

Sherlock picks up her cup and drinks her tea quickly.

"Another cup," she gestures to the waiter, who immediately scurries off to retrieve another.

"Oh, come on! Reimon, you're my subordinate! You've seen her looking at Wato with that... Mushy, lovestruck look in her eyes when she tries to help her out in her work! Have you seen her in that vampire case! What a total fool!"

"I think you may be the only one who's been focusing on the love lives of your acquaintances, Shibata." Reimon coughs- though he's definitely seen how Sherlock cares sincerely for Wato, especially during the times when she was in danger. He'd never seen such distress in Sherlock's tone when she told him about the plan she had to catch Arisa and Yuma in the act, after all.

"Well," Sherlock continues, slumping onto the table, "even if Shibata," she glares at Shibata, who merely flashes a condescending smirk, "was right, and I do have these feelings, I..."

She suddenly looks down, lips tightly pressed. Shit, what was she to do with these troublesome emotions? Was she going to tell? No, she'll just keep it under wraps. Wato can't know what would embarrass the hell out of her.

Shibata raises an eyebrow in confusion. Reimon smiles.

"Do you not know how to tell her?"

Sherlock gives no replies, but Reimon does a little deducing of his own and guesses that she's defeated. Shibata  scoffs, slamming his palms on the table. Sherlock flinches, covering her ears, though she opens one eye to look at the rowdy man.

"Geez, Sherlock! I know you were romantically inept and everything, but you don't even know the simplest of romance cliches?!"

Reimon glances at his hyped-up boss in his red-faced, loose-tied glory, and sighs.

"Sorry, Sherlock. You brought this on yourself."

"Just do some pick up lines, god dammit!"

"...A what now?"

"Pick up lines! Like those... lines... you use... to... pick up the ladies..."

When Shibata drunkenly rants about romance novels, tropes and his romantic misadventures in pursuing Aiko Inoue from the forensics department (who she's pretty sure is not interested in him), Sherlock immediately proceeds to drink a lot more Oolong tea than usual, even when he finally quietens down into wheezy snores.

Reimon pays the bill, of course. He also sends the two kids home.

* * *

 When Wato Tachibana sees Sherlock stumbling up the stairs in the same drunken frenzy she had been in when she met up with Moriya, she couldn't help but be worried about the detective. She wasn't the type to get drunk, after all.

"Sherlock?" Wato calls out, furrowing her brows as the trenchcoat drunkard staggers forth. Wato immediately pushes the door open, catching Sherlock by her arms as she trips and falls.

"Ugh, you smell of beer..." Wato mumbles under her breath. Sherlock giggles (Wato widens her eyes at that, although it is a little bit cute, she has to admit), lolling her head to the side. Her flushed face looks up to Wato's face, which is probably already flushed too, and breaks out into a grin.

"Watoo....." Sherlock whines. Wato swings her arm over her shoulder, smiling awkwardly as she stumbles towards the couch.

"Has anyone told you that you're Franklin D Roosevelt...?"

"...What the hell, Sherlock? Why would anyone say-"

"Because you're a dime!"

Sherlock bursts into yet another fit of giggles, while Wato stops dead in her tracks, her face heating up like it never had before. She lowers her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Very funny, Sherlock," she says, unable to hide a smile. Well, at least she's having fun... Whatever she's actually doing. It's a breather from the irritable, constantly scowling face of hers.

Wato gently sets the drunken detective onto the couch before she sets off to the kitchen to make a hangover cure for Tomorrow Sherlock (who would probably be so embarrassed that she will ignore her existence for a couple of weeks), but the devil grabs her shirt and tugs on it gently. Wato turns around.

"Why did you even drink in the first place?" Wato wanted to complain in her face, "you aren't even the type of person to even drink!"

"...Yes?" Wato smiled warily, clasping her hands together. This was really strange.

"...Do you have advanced radiation poisoning?"

"What? Sherlock, why would I- I'm not even-"

"Because you are glowing in this room, Wato."

A hand immediately claps over Wato's face, trying to hide the immense redness that's emanating from her face right now. If Sherlock was like this when she's drunk, she figured she will do her best to steer Sherlock away from any sort of alcohol from now on.

"Oh no, you're actually glowing... Wato, what's wrong?"

 "I..It's nothing, Sherlock," she says, drawling her name, "It's just- Wato's just, very, very thirsty, so, please let me-" Wato giggles awkwardly, trying to make an escape for her own red face, but Sherlock tugs on her shirt, harsher this time.

"Sherlock-!"

"Forget water. It has hydrogen in it," Sherlock grumbled. Wato taps her feet on the floor, eyebrows furrowing even more.

"Sherlock, why are you even saying that?"

"You're my number one element, so I don't need it."

"...Oh god, please-"

"You don't need it!" Sherlock tugs on her shirt again, a wide, lopsided grin on her face. "I just want to sleep. Just think of me as a fermata and hold me."

"I-"

"Now."

"But-"

"I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Are you satisfied?"

"..."

Sherlock's body wobbles and it doesn't seem like she's carrying herself with respect, but she looks at her with an expression so defeated that it practically beckons Wato to drop everything and hug the lights out of her.

It's not like Wato will complain, but... Was that why she said so many pick up lines?

"You had me at cello, Sherlock," she finally relents, mumbling complaints about how adorable she is as she brushes Sherlock's fringe out of her face.

Wato smiles at her, before Sherlock finally tugs her hard enough that she's sent sprawling over the couch.

"I didn't say cello, though."

When Sherlock clings on her tightly with her arms and legs and finally falls asleep in mere seconds, Wato sighs and wraps an arm around her.

Tomorrow Sherlock will hate her so much, she tells herself, hearing Sherlock grumble something about Shibata's bad pick up lines.

* * *

The next day, Sherlock wakes up with a huge hangover. She cringes and grasps at her aching forehead, before she realizes that Wato Tachibana is inches away from her face. Wato's peaceful, restful face. Sherlock's face flushes red before getting up with as little noise as possible, but Wato's too quick for her and opens her eyes, her weight on Sherlock shifting.

"Sherlock...?"

Sherlock raises up her hands and opens her mouth, like she wants to say something, but she hesitates and lowers her hands a few times before she gives the simplest excuse she could think of.

"My head hurts. I'm going to get some tea."

"O...okay, sure," Wato mumbles, rubbing her eyes. Sherlock immediately rushes off to the kitchen, tugging her fringe back over her face.

"Okay... W-wait, by the way, Sherlock!"

"What do you want?" Sherlock pointedly asks, turning around and peeking at Wato from behind the wall.

"I love you too."

Sherlock's face immediately disappears from her view, and the running of gas from the stove is heard, along with the faint groans of "Oh my God." and "That Oolong tea was spiked!" or "Did Shibata poison me?"

Wato laughs and lands back on the couch with a thud. She could get used to the drunken side of Sherlock, probably.


End file.
